Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Devourer and Thief of Goodness - Chocolate Chip Cookies

I am a devourer of chocolate chip cookies and not the least bit bashful about it.  Yet you might have never known it.  My obsession remains largely secret.  When it comes to my delicious chocolate baked friend I have no reservations and throw all rules out the window - socially and morally.  I have no shame in exceeding the amount deemed socially appropriate.  Where this might invite comparisons to the cookie monster, such a comparison would only discover our shared like of cookies.  Much more important is my method of acquiring many of my good chocolate chip friend.  A more accurate comparison might reference Mr. Hamburglar and his intrepid yet surreptitious method in acquiring plentiful amounts of his senses-dulling delicatessen - cheeseburgers.  At any type of potluck (be it missionary hello's and bye's, ward functions, friend bbq's, or work parties), one moment the best cookie will be just hanging out, looking pretty and then suddenly the next moment this blue ribbon cookie and 7 of his cronies will be MIA! (two on my plate, three neatly wrapped in a napkin below my plate, and three again neatly wrapped in a napkin in my pockets!)

I consider this a skill - that is, my ability to first spot the tastiest cookie and then secondly to capitalize and secretly bring as many of these cookies as possible into my possession.  A delectable, scrumptious cookie for me is as good as money in the bank.  Nor does it matter whether I eat them all or not (although I usually do); saving them for a snack later isn't difficult at all.  You didn't get one, you say.... oh that's too bad.  I will still conceal the three I have in my pockets!  Although I would much rather plot and execute highly sophisticated heists (be it banks, auto boosting, the annoying cat next door, etc.) such a quiet plunder of seizing the tastiest chocolate chip cookie without being detected feeds my need for mischief.  As for the cookies that aren't so tasty, don't be offended when I replace the partially bitten cookie back on its platter.  It was a crappy cookie and everyone behind me would soon learn that anyway - let's just speed up the line of communication and spare them the mouthful.  I see it as me doing them a favor.  If it's no good for your cookie conniving nephew, (step) son, brother, cousin, Collin, then it's no good for anyone.  

So the next time you see me exiting the food line with plate in hand you may want to check my pockets, I just snagged Noah's and little Will-will's share of the cookies!

Stay Classy Planet Earth!

1 comment:

Megan said...

well ... you're both blue and fuzzy.

They read my stuff..

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